The Color of Pain

Today before I even read the Psalm of the day on
Psalm Challenge
http://tagein-tagaus-athen.blogspot.com/
I wanted to post some Sunday thoughts about pain,
then see if they coincide at all.

Pain has many colors.
Black, red, blue,
ripped, torn, diseased,
hurt, yellow,
vicious, sharp, biting,
tearing,
then
the
dull,
deep, constant, persistent.

Some make you wish you were dead.

Pain ripped me out of bed in the wee hours again,
and standing on my leg re calibrated something,
my MS dance.

My mother's pain, invisible or hazy to some,
I perceive on full wavelengths,
as if I had the channel tuned in better.

I thought this morning,
how pain,
in all it's colors,
can be invisible to others.
We are all so different in how we perceive pain.

As a new nurse, over 30 solar years ago,
I decided to lay my hand on people in pain
and try to
ground it.

And if I was successful, it would make their life
better.

I was worried there would be damage done to me,
all that pain flowing to ground into the Earth, our Mother
(like on the old sin eater's version of twilight zone or one of those shows).
And I decided,
it could not hurt me,
it was channeling someone else's pain.

Do you feel how comforting a hand is on the shoulder?
Or the catharsis of letting a story go,
or just knowing someone
hears
how much you hurt?

Some cannot see the colors of pain I do,
and I guess that really is something I had
to learn and have to live with.

I do pray someone sees the colors of their pain and
puts a gentle hand on their shoulder
and lets it go.

Real

Real,
Get real,
Reel me in.

And taxes
are real
Surreal,
Really.

And a man on the radio
Says the taxes are not bad.
A gradual erosion of what we thought
we owned.

Gradually,
like how the minerals leach off the mountain,
slowly,
one grain at a time
until
all at once
it seems,
it all disappears.

Potentially painless injections?

Diavibe...a new concept to help make injections painless?
(Herrad referred me to this website)

If you have to inject, take the survey
http://www.diavibe.com/

The founder of the company wrote me asking me to spread the word about the survey.
He wrote me:
Thank you for telling us about your experience with injection pain. We're hoping to provide a quick and easy solution to this problem. Your input has been very helpful for us as we develop our product. If it's not too much trouble, could you help us direct more people to our site to share their story or fill out our survey? It would mean a great deal.

Thank You,
Cole Bonner, Founder, DiaVibe

Me again,
So be a part of real health care reform and take the survey.

Here is the link to my story about injections called "Wheelchair repellant".
OurMSstories.com

Look in the left margin for Mary, 50, Vermont.
I thank Caren for this thoughtful website.

***09.19.2011. OurMS Stories website does not seem to work. I posted the story
"Wheelchair Repellant" on my blog...mary

Mary

Town Meeting,property taxes in vt

02.27.10
i have decided to keep this posted as my road sign until after town meeting. i will not attend and do not feel comfortable there. i am white middle aged, middle income although teetering while i'm tweeting. ms makes me have priorities different than before diagnosis. suddenly i have to pay attention to what stresses me out. the town stopped communicating with me when i questioned why they almost sold my house and why no one had the human_ness to see if i was ok or whether we needed some help. i work in long term medicaid and ask every day to help some person trying to navigate a debilitating and sometimes devastating illness and they cannot accept their disability, how could they? Kubler Ross calls that denial. so when i fail to hire a lawyer or re enter the legal system about the town's actions, don't think i have failed. i have chosen to publish these words i speak and hope others will awaken to the progressive destruction of our assets' value. my dream of home ownership has been littered with battles and my scars are depper because of ms. this i must speak outloud. if people judge me they are welcome to swallow that themselves. i will not react. but when the masses awake to the tax mess that might lead to their homes being taken in Vermont to pay for schools to have laptops, then look to this posting and say, by God she was right. mary gerdt monkton vermont 2.27.10


The new paradigm.
Schools need money and in Vermont must suck the blood of the property tax payers.
When you have run out of blood, they eliminate you.
Such was nearly my lot but we got to be revived just in time.
I fear others will fall prey to the local tax collectors who collect a statewide tax by selling your property.
The rules usually read, anytime more than $250 is owed. Are you scared yet?
I know there are rules about it, I know there are procedures.
I also know this time, especially in the current economic conditions in Vermont, no one should lose their house over 6 thousand in taxes, 9 months late.
I nearly did.
So here is my version of Vermont Town Meeting and property tax.
Next week some Vermont citizens (unless they have to work or do not feel comfortable there like myself) will gather in the age old tradition of town meeting day.
My feeling is of being an outsider, a flatlander. Skeptical but never feeling welcome to speak up. Nauseated actually. Fred was so comfortable. He knew what was going on. I never really did. I guess that is my fault.
With voice voting and over zealous activist screaming, I felt as though I could not vote my conscious,
Nee
I felt it was more like a sermon at times and a church service. My fault.
I felt like glances from audience and those “higher ups” in town up on the school stage. I felt more detached than ever.
Yes, “all the world is a stage”, as was in Shakespeare’s time.
The town report a mysterious document of numbers, how can I audit that? What if I question that?
Who will be angered? Do I have the energy to take this on?
Meanwhile I am still trying to decipher why they picked our property to sell for taxes.
There were several others in our same sinking ship.
We feel fortunate to have had some nest egg, earmarked for my inevitable disability.
There goes that money, but at least we got to pay and stay.
A strange new paradigm for Vermonters.
So I am not faulting schools, only the funding schematic.
I am not faulting town meetings because it is up to me to adapt and choose not to attend.
I am seeking to inform other Vermonters that you must pay to stay and I am continuing my fight to stop the sales of homes in these economic times. The burden is too great.
Mary Gerdt Monkton,Vermont